I have been photographing my family vacations for over 12 years. It’s easy for me to feel invisible as the eldest of five: my parents pushed me out of my childhood too fast and left me with the weight of an adult role, often lacking the play and freedom I saw in my siblings. I felt like an insider with my parents and an outsider with the kids, but longed for it to be the opposite. While on these trips, I am caught between my adulthood and my childhood: thrown back into the place where I am comforted by the familiarity of my family dynamics but also wanting to escape my well-rehearsed role as a parentified child. This work is an act of self nurture that lets me engage with my family in a new way while revealing lingering dynamics from our past.